6th birthday letter

from the very moment we met you our life's have forever been changed.  i look back over all the memories and love we share.  there is no way for me to tell you how much i love you, its not even something i can describe.  i was asked today if i had to choose to save the world or you, what would i choose? without a doubt in my mind, i choose you.  

 your real cute baby girl.  

 5th birthday at school 

 year 5 was a eventful year in your life.  you have been a flower girl for your aunt leah and aunt chelsie.  you will get to be a flower girl at grandmal's wedding in a few days, your a pro by now.  

 papa bill got to "baba-tize" you this year.  proudest parent moment to date.  

 you had a run in with the ground after being thrown off "handsome" the horse.  we spent a night in the ICU, but you have recovered so well.  your strong and brave, baby girl.  

after a eventful year of being five, we are ready to see what 6 brings.  i find myself loving you more and more every day.  me and dad still smile at each other when you do something cute.  He loves to teach you new adventures, that is probably good bc mom likes you in a nice comfy bubble.  your very independent but still need your momma.  i did a girls hair today and she is moving off to college.  she said "i don't think i need my parents to move me in" please remember this and never say those words to me.  remember me loving and caring for you every single day of your life.  never forget our bedtime prayers, snuggles, kisses, and our undeniable bond we share.  mommas never stop being momma's.  

your favorite things in life right now are .......
#1 your mom and dad 
Kagan 
horses
pannny-cakes
nans's breakfast plate
the disney channel
riding scooters, 4-wheelers, and horses
your a homebody, or as long as your with mom body. 
you loved flying to see aunt chels and uncle J 
and you love to be busy and have friends over. 

our dearest Em- we pray that God keeps you safe and healthy, we pray that you grow up to love Him and love people like He dose.  your the very best part of us, and we count it a honor to be your--- mom and dad

We Gotcha Benett

Benett Harris GORDON !!!! you are officially ours to keep forever and always.  i just want you to know that you hold special pieces of my heart.  i will always understand your middle childness better then anyone else.  Even though your mom will try to convince you that there is no difference.  

You have been such a sweet, low-key type of guy all your life.  we all think you are the best little guy.  we cannot wait to see you grow up and become something great.  we pray that you always Love God, your family, and your really cool cousin.  she loves you very much.  

 We officially Welcome you, Ben to our crazy tribe !!!! We love you lots and are proud to have you as a nephew and cousy.  

all our love- Uncle Len, Sassy, and the Em. 

our baby graduates

Where has time gone?  

i remember the day that our little chelsie randa was born.  Papa bill took me and Mac (in our matching wind-suits) to mcdonalds for breakfast.  We were in the room when she was born, i had no idea at 6, how much that moment would change my life.  i did not realize that the little baby girl would grow up to be my biggest fan, my best friend, and a sister that the "trio" could not live without.  i have always taken such pride in my little mini me.  i remember being at every single event she ever participated in.  She always had a big fan club, at her cheerleading, basketball, softball, cow shows, 

and any other event she had.  

i think we all took great pride in making her succeed.  being 6 years younger then me i always felt the need to protect and guide her.  sometimes i was like another mom, and other times i was a cool big sis.  but whatever roll i have had or will have in her life, i know that she will always make us proud.  she is the best part of the family bc we all love her the most.  she is OUR baby and we expect great things from her.  

 today like all other big days in her life, we all shared a huge sense of pride.  she graduated from her favorite school with a degree in business.  it just seems like yesterday she was graduating from kindergarten with her little blue gown and now she is all grown up and going into this crazy world.  

May 4th, 2013

Chelsie Randa aka Kellie Stacie 
We know that you will go from here and do great things.  We want you to always know that we are proud of you and all your accomplishments, BIg or small.  my prayer for you is that your wings fly, that you get to be a mom someday, and that you remember your deep roots.  God has blessed you and made you into a wonderful lady.  i could not be more proud of you.  love you with all my heart.  

proud moment

on  March 24th, 2013 we were headed to bed.  our most precious times of the day are bedtime and morning prayers.  she was laying there with me and asked many questions about Jesus.  easter was coming and we had been watching "the Bible" so we had been talking a lot about the events that had happened.  something that night clicked in her head.  she understood about Jesus and His perfect sacrifice.  i told her all about what He went through for us.  i told her He loves us more then I love Her. she understood and we prayed a prayer and she asked Jesus to "come in" her heart and live.  special and precious moments that will always be my proudest time in her life.  We really questioned her and talked with our pastor and decided she was ready to be "bab-a-tized."   i asked my papa bill if he would  do the honors and he accepted.  he is a man of few words and he is not a fan of being center stage, but he did a perfect job.  we are so very blessed to have him in our family.  he is so very gentle and strong.  this man means so much to each of us.  Emrie was not nervous at all she was so excited.  i am proud that i have a Godly papa and a daughter that is so excited to love Jesus.  

 baby girl-  i want you to always remember how much Jesus means to you.  never run from Him bc you can't hide from Him.  He loves you so much, He will guide you, protect you, and bless you beyond what you could ever dream of.  He never lets us go and He holds us tight.
Our prayer for you is that you always honor Him with your life.  Jesus loves everyone and so should we.  We pray that her protects you from pain and heartache.  and that someday you can have a child so that you will grasp His almighty love for you.  We are so very proud of your choice and who you are deep inside.  there is just not enough words to tell you how much We love you.  you are our whole world and we are so blessed to be your momma and daddy.

 We are so blessed to be SO loved.  she is one popular girl with the best support in all the land.  it means so much to us that she is so loved by so many.

Ladies retreat 13

i have been trying to wrap my mind around this past weekend at the ladies retreat.  i have been the last 3 years, and this was the best year by far, for me.  the theme was " a love that never lets go," it was like it was tailored for me.  i love the way God plans all that out.  its no secret that i struggle with "waiting on the plan to unfold" i just think back over the last few years of my life and see time and time again how He is in charge of "the plan."  it was no mistake that i was at the retreat this weekend.  i was driving in my car after i took em to school, thinking i really don't want to leave her.  i fight God sometimes with what i want to do.  i know that as a mom and a woman that we really feel like the world will stop spinning if we are not taking care of the 100 things that day.  i should really trust my hubs more, bc he can in fact keep our life's going.
so i head south to falls creek friday and spend a weekend with Godly ladies that can refresh you.  God spoke to each of us in a different way, yet we all could relate.  i have been struggling with "pity parties" and dwelling in the poor me spot.  this weekend gave me a ray of sunshine.  once more God had that in the plan.  Friday night service was so good.  the speaker's testimony was she has 3 kids but lost her 4th baby just two hours after birth.  it has been 5 years and her emotion and feelings were so raw and evident.  healing from what i consider the very worst thing that could ever happen to anyone.  God chose His Son, so i think that gives us a good perspective on what a huge hole that would leave in anyones heart.  anyways she asked the audience to honor her baby and all the children that we lost.  she asked everyone in the room to stand if they had lost a child.  so precious and moving to see over half of the audience stand to their feet.  as i stood totally in awe of the ladies standing among me, i heard the anguish crying out from a woman across the tabernacle.  i have no idea about her story, but i felt her pain.  it was a healing moment for all the moms in that room to share a bond that is unimaginable.  for me personally it reminded me how special "my lobster" was to me.  how deep my love runs for my baby in heaven.  i don't really know the answers of how to heal, or how to fill the void you feel.  however i know that God is faithfully holding you.  i know He never drops you from his hand.  i know He is wrapping his big hands around those momma's broken hearts.  i also know that i would never want to face such heartache without the peace of Jesus.  i can't imagine walking down any heartache without Him.  
in Eph. 1:18- " I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of His power for us who believe in Him.  this is the same power that raised Him from the dead and seated Him in the place of honor at God's right hand.
He is so strong and endured so much for me and you.  He knows and he is powerful.  He owns your life and heart.  He won't forget about YOU  !!!!!

Exercising with Jesus

so i am really into exercise these days.  i never in 100 years would of thought that i would love it, but i DO.  i love putting my head-phones in and just hearing my music.    this morning this song came on and it was no mistake.  
before the morning
you have to listen to it.   He told me, to believe i still have a reason to sing, bc the pain i have been feeling can't compare to the JOY coming.  
i know my JOY is coming btw her name will not be Joy. (side-note) 

a few weeks ago i visited a new mom, we have become good "infertile" friends.  i met her in the bathroom at church, we both ended up crying and sharing our heartache.  we both started the adoption process together, she got her precious baby G three weeks ago.  i took some dinner over and held that precious baby.  my friend looked at me and said these words, " i would DO IT ALL again, to hold her."   make no mistake, God knows the plan.  He puts people in your life and in my life at the very right moments.  
God gets me and i get him.  i know that He is refining and perfecting something about me, and i get Him.   i know He has a great and mighty plan that has our name written all over it.  
i am glad He is in charge bc if it was just me on this ship, i would of went over-borad many years ago.