fertile gals

have you ever scene the mommas at wal-mart with shirtless, shoeless, dirty babies. the moms that forgot to brush their hair but have a cigarette and LIGHTER. Or how about when your in a restaurant and the mom next to you has a newborn and she is twitching from her drugs. now don't get me wrong here... i believe that every baby born in this world has a purpose. even those millions of babies who don't get the opportunity to breath on their own. Every Egg+Sperm, little tiny heartbeat should still always be treated with tender loving care.

i often find myself asking or even begging God WHY, WHY, and WHY can these crazy no good moms get pregnant over and over and i can't. Fertility struggles are not for the Week hearted. i mean it takes a Physical, and emotional toll on your heart and soul. in so many ways its one of the most frustrating and hurtful thing to struggle with. it takes your heart from anxiousness to excitement and failure all in the matter of a month. the meds make you INSAIN, the intimacy that it should take to have a baby is literally OUT the door. It is Rough !!!

at the end of this journey i hope i have a bundle of joy to love on and i hope that i have no time to write a blog about my life. but i also know that God feels the parts of your heart that you seek Him hardest at. he gives you peace in the midst of a hormone storm. He gives and takes or choose not to make life. He is the Almighty and He knows what should of, could of, and would of. He answers each burning question and blesses you when your not looking.

whatever happens i know For Sure that i am blessed beyond what i deserve.